OMG! I’ve been spoofed! This Ragnaboards and Darkmoon poster named giggle cream authored the most controversial and funny Fan Fiction spoof starring Master Diva (yes with a “V”) and Valkyrie. He actually got banned and his post deleted at Ragnaboards for posting this as it contains some info that can be considered as “subversive” in a way.

This is actually very flattering for me for becoming the basis of a fan fiction character. Although I don’t really have any direct connection with it. Just a reminder, this wasn’t written by me. This is a FAN FICTION. If you have any violent reactions, address it to the author, not to me. I just want to post it cause it’s funny. Haha! Anyway read and enjoy after the jump!

Disclaimer: The following article is just the fruit of the author’s corrupted and polluted mind and is further deteriorated by playing in *ahem* server. Anything related or similar to actual person or entity is just a product of coincidence and the author does not intend to insult or harm the actual person or entity. For God’s sake this is just fiction, don’t take it seriously.

Many have commented, complained, ranted, whined, etc. about the newest server of Pinoy RO, Valkyrie. But what does Valkyrie have to say? Let’s find out.

Master Diva: Ok, let’s start with the obvious, why the name Valkyrie?
Valkyrie: In Norse Mythology, Valkyries are minor female deities which serve Odin by choosing dead warriors and bringing them back to Valhalla.

MDiva: How is that connected to the server?
Valkyrie: Well, we used old scraps and programs, gave it a few nice introductions and call it a new server.

MDiva: What does Valkyrie have that other servers or MMORPGs doesn’t have?
Valkyrie: It gives a new definition to MMORPG.

MDiva: Can you please elaborate?
Valkyrie: In Valkyrie, MMORPG means Making the Most Out of a Ranting Player Game, plus we have this unique WoE feature that lets you kill your most hated guildmates, rampaging Guardians, and skills so *designed* its as challenging as climbing Mt. Everest to own a Guild Castle.

MDiva: Oh I see. In Valkyrie, you yourself sell items and equips to players, do deities need money?
Valkyrie: No, you and the other players need money the most.

MDiva: But what are you doing with the money that you get from players?
Valkyrie: I use the money to pay my *enter your own description* customer service agents and *again enter your own description* tech personnels.

MDiva: What is your stand about botting?
Valkyrie: As if I care about botting. Only the players are concerned with botting. Whether they use it or not, against it or not, I don’t care, as long as they buy their items from me.

MDiva: What about the prisoners that have bought their items from you? They even complain that even Erap gets a pardon.
Valkyrie: They sure can’t get a pardon from me. They should figure out a way to get out for themselves, like buying my Teleport to Somewhere Else Scroll.

MDiva: So that’s the reason why some jailed characters are on the loose.

Valkyrie: Because the prison is full of wasted potential, like ‘Mai~[DhonG]. He have what it takes to be one of the ranked BS. The guts, the items, the zeny, you name it, he have it. He even forged his way out of that paradise. Besides I’m sick and tired of seeing the long a$ lines of prisoners whenever I went there to visit. But to tell you honestly, that map is the most bot-free map in Valkyrie.

MDiva: How about dupes, deal hacks and other bugs? How will you and your infamous team of tech personnel handle these issues?
Valkyrie: We already have a patch that will fix those problems next server maintennance.

MDiva: Wow, that was fast! Can you tell me something about the updates?
Valkyrie: We have a site about these updates. Just click the link for kinks.

MDiva: Since Christmas is in the air, are you having a discounted items sale?
Valkyrie: What kind of <word filtered!> question is that? Of all the cheap…

MDiva: Are you having a discounted items sale?
Valkyrie: Of course no! We’re already struggling for the salaries and 13th month pay of our employees here. If you don’t want to pay, go away and leave us in peace.

MDiva: Ahem, you are so beautiful, with your long, blonde hair, hot body, ahmm do you have a boyfriend?
Valkyrie: Nope.

MDiva: Do you want me as your boyfriend?
Valkyrie: Do you want a terrible kick in the gr0in? Your name sounds gay, admit it, are you gay?

MDiva: Hey lady, watch you mouth, I’m not gay. Although I look gay, I’m not one. Kurutin kita dyan eh. >_<

MDiva: Back to the interview, do you have any message for Valkyrie players?
Valkyrie: Thank you for supporting my server. I hope you enjoy playing in this Free-to-Play, pay to stay or go away server, just bear with the server maintennance every three hours.

MDiva: Ouch! If there’s a maintennance I guess I’d play in Perfect Word, what do you think?
Valkyrie: Well Perfect Word is Free-to-Play so…

MDiva: Arrgghh! I changed my mind. Thank you very much.

Crowd: Woohoo!! IDOL!! Part Two!! Part Two!!
MDiva: Don’t worry maraming kasunod yan.

Crowd: Sana may kasunod. Pakibilisan po ung Part Two please.
MDiva: Don’t spam the forum with “Part Two Pls” posts, begging for it will only lengthen the delay.

Edit: Due to insistent public demand and positive reactions of Valkyrie players, the RBoars Mods have decided to ban my account and blocked my IP therefore I cannot post the updates. I hope you enjoy this ‘too good to be true’ interview. I will post the updates once the Mods learned the meaning of Fiction and allow me to post again. Right now I am enjoying my vacation somewhere else. Wait till you wish, until then this is Diva signing out.

Tagalog Translation: Maghintay kayo hangga’t gusto nyo, ito si Diva pumipirma sa labas.

‘Mai~[DhonG]: Oi Diva paninirang puri yang ginagawa mo, kakasuhan kita ng libel!
MDiva: Sorry po kung kayo lang ang nasa screenies ko, sana lang po talaga may masira pa ako sa puri mo.

Nakupo Obvious: Lahat na lang ginagawan nyo ng katatawanan! Mas mukhang bot advocacy tong post mo. HYPOCRITE ka Diva! Kung mang-iinsulto ka lang sa pagpapatawa mo kilitiin mo na lang ako!
MDiva: Sorry na po ate or kuya Nakupo, san po ba kiliti mo? (lokang to, wag daw ako mang-insulto pero sya mismo tinawag akong hypocrite, sabagay…)

@ RagnaBoars Site:
RBoar Moderator Coernitz: Diva, I’m sorry but you have violated the rules of Ragnaboars.
MDiva: What did I violate?
Coernitz: As I have said before, no more I quit threads.
MDiva: Where in that interview did I mention that I am quitting? Besides may kanya-kanya namang isip mga tao sa RBoars ah! Teka tama ba ako?

NearBelly Saklay: Your post incites flaming, insults fellow RBoarers, Pinoy RO personnels and even other LUG! games.
MDiva: Geesh I’m just a fictional character created by some wacko, dirty-minded kid whose greatest frustration in life is not being able to level-up his acolyte in Valkyrie. Being a Moderator, I highly expect that you know fiction and just by mere looking at the title you should know that what I posted was fiction.

RBMods: We will suspend your account, block your IP and delete your posts.
MDiva: Wala man lang bang warning? Ban agad? Di nyo man lang ako ililipat sa Fan Art and Fiction Section nyo?

RBMods: Another thing, we will not let you participate on our cosplay competition anymore.
MDiva:Why naman like that? Coernitz close naman tayo di ba? Irereport ko tong pangyayaring to kay Girl Master Bhage.

Coernitz: That’s MP Coernitz. What you performed last LUG!Line was so corny we almost froze to death.
MDiva: That’s why we entitled it Frost Jokers Cookers. (What are the Mods’ problem with titles) Besides, Graveh Nah Iti is the one responsible for inserting such jokes in the client so don’t pin blame!

RBMods:
Our decision is final, history will not know that you even existed. Every parchment that you have written shall be burned and anyone who spreads your works, or merely mentions your name shall be punished. Wala kang respeto! Isa kang Insurrecto!
MDiva: Ipinahahayag ko lang sa pamamagitan ng kathang-isip na ito ang aking mga hinaing sampu ng aking mga kababayan na naglalaro dito. Kailangan ng iba sa kanila ng edukasyon ,ng kaalaman sa mga nangyayari, sa mga sistema at patakaran, ang kailangan namin ay reporma! Kailan pa kayo kikilos? Kapag puno na ang taong bayan sa bugbog, sipa, saksak at tama ng baril?

RBMods: FUEGO!!

Account Suspended.
Thread Deleted.